You are lying beside me and we pretend like we are busy with our own aimless fumbling because no one can push each other’s limits any harder. They say. We took each other’s intimacy and enmeshed to the point it hurt, so now we separate because that’s what’s expected. But we are, oh my love, so thirsty, filthy, lonely, horny, wet, cold, frightened, stiff, tense, lost, delirious and perennially unsatisfied.
Open your legs for me, let me take you in, let me get in, let me tell you everything is going to be alright forever, let me reassure you with my tongue and fingers, because there is that me in you that never ends, I never run out of that strength that no one reminds me I have. That strength is you. I can take you because I am too much myself. I will lick you clean of all your fears.
I know where you go when your cunt tightens around my fingers, I know why you cry only when no one’s watching, I know why you push me away and your eyes beg me to get back and stay. I’ll stay. I’ll stay even when no one’s watching. I won’t let you fall apart.
Skin on skin I’ll unleash my atoms to explore you because there is so much of you I don’t know and can’t see. I can only embrace your pain as it comes, as I come, as you moan, as I please and tickle the corners of your mind. Your thoughts will bleed all over my hands, my fuel to carry on dismantling the idea of you imposed by those who can’t dig any deeper. Leave them out. Forget about them. Breathe.
I’ll make your emptiness mine because there is nothing I haven’t seen before when my eyes were closed and the world retreated in the dark and told me not to worry whilst the only monster I should have been afraid of was feeding on me without me knowing. My dreams, my power, my will to live and blossom and devour energy to be, to just be, it has all been taken away so I am building it from scratch with you, through you, don’t give up on me, be strong.
I am here with you, cane in one hand and my heart in the other, to confess that if you give up I will die too. Aren’t we tired of dying, my love? Show me the wounds we designed together and I’ll give you a world so safe and so free that the physical pain will be less than a memory. Pleasure. You deserve only pleasure, and that’s what you will feel with me, forever.
photo of me by Conor James