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Neen Sever

Art
  • Neen Sever
  • About Me
  • Contact
  • Analogue Photography
    • The Underlayer
    • STRAP Magazine Issue 1
    • Lean In
    • Уже хочу
    • Living Fields
    • In The Garden
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000000400003k.jpg

She was hot.

September 23, 2019

I was seventeen when I came out as bisexual. During the sports class, I kissed the person that then became my first girlfriend, everyone was running or doing some silly activity and we just went upstairs to the changing rooms and hid in the toilet FOR NO REASON. We were sure someone would follow so we stayed quiet, but no one came upstairs, no one gave a damn fuck about us and no one would even think of two really feminine looking girls making out, not back then, and still not now (if not for cis men’s amusement).
We looked at each other, she was chewing a gum but it was THE KISS MOMENT, you know what I mean? We stood there like idiots staring at each other, then she raised her hand in the sign of “wait a second”, she threw the gum away and we awkwardly kissed.

I told my mum the same day, she came to pick me up, clueless. She was five minutes into driving and I just practically shouted “I kissed a girl” out of nervousness. She almost stopped in the middle of a busy street. My mum. She deserves a crown. She mumbled to herself “well you’re very young, I think it’s normal, experimenting and stuff”. Yeah, sure mum, I’m almost 31 years old, have been experimenting for a long time now. But she gets that now, it wasn’t easy for her but she did her absolute fucking best! I can talk about other genders to her and she just wants to be sure they are nice people.

When G and I broke up, a bit of experimenting did follow. I was in a relationship with A. and he was the first to suggest I just tried; I was in a relationship with him when the first kiss with a girl happened to begin with, and a bit of drama on my side followed, but he’s been a sweetheart, and probably just the right person to have in my messy life back then. Me and him went to a goth party, he wasn’t a goth guy, I can assure you that... but I was a very, very, very goth girl. So he just sat on the side of the dance floor and watched me dance; all I cared about back then was dancing, I didn’t drink much, I didn’t do drugs, I just didn’t know what to do with all my sexual energy and when I couldn’t fuck on the dance floor (I didn’t know about the existence of the fetish clubs yet), I would dance.

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I liked that he was watching, he looked so confident and chilled, sexual, reassuring. I kept dancing and looking at him until the moment I noticed a very, very, very goth girl on the other side of the dance floor. She wasn’t the typical gothic queen, she was more of a post punk creature, also super chilled and confident; she was smoking a cigarette and watching me, too. I kept looking at her, trying to be inviting but not overdoing any of my moves, I now realise how surprisingly free and confident I felt myself, it came natural to me to seduce, to get what I wanted by pulling the people I liked in. She didn’t wait much, she threw the ciggie away with a quick and precise gesture, and she walked toward me. I didn’t feel scared or shy or embarrassed, I just thought that that was how it was supposed to go, no other way. She came very close to me, put her arms around me, caressed my back and my ass, and kissed me. And we kinda danced kinda made out, hands everywhere. I could taste the cigarette on her lips and on her tongue but I liked it. I felt incredibly satisfied that I’ve got that cinematic shot in my head, she didn’t give a fuck about her cigarette, it was all acting, and it all worked out perfectly.

What about A. you ask me? I had no clue. After a while he disappeared and I looked for him everywhere and worried a lot, but I then found him smoking on the staircase and he was smiling. He said he just didn’t know what to do with himself because he wanted to join us but didn’t want to ruin my moment, so he went for a joint instead. I don’t know if it was right or wrong, it was his choice, and our boundaries were clear before I jumped into any kind of situation, it would have been interesting to “experiment” together but it didn’t happen, so I’m just left with this teenage memory I wanted to share with you.

I miss how safe I felt in alternative clubs, especially at the goth parties, because everyone was respectful but also very free and sexual, it was normal to express horniness without harassing anyone. You would dance and if you made your signs clear, someone would get close; if you danced with your eyes closed or looking at the floor, no one would bother you. If you connected you’d go and fuck in the toilets, or just make out very explicitly against a wall or the dj’s booth (or with the dj on their break ah!), or you would go home with someone and everyone would know that guy or that girl and you’d ask your community for feedback to be sure you’re not going home with a rapist or murder or any other kind of psychopaths.

I haven’t been to many fetish and sex clubs, but when it happened I found the same kind of safe environment, and I just think it’s interesting that from outside they depicture us like some deviates when in reality we are the most respectful and caring human beings who simply prioritise pleasure.

Anyway.

She was hot.

Prev / Next
  • December 2024
    • Dec 21, 2024 Biochemistry Dec 21, 2024
  • October 2022
    • Oct 7, 2022 Into Myself Oct 7, 2022
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    • Apr 26, 2022 Liquid Ego Apr 26, 2022
  • October 2021
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  • August 2021
    • Aug 8, 2021 The objective truth in our feelings Aug 8, 2021
  • April 2021
    • Apr 26, 2021 Where did the time go? Apr 26, 2021
  • December 2020
    • Dec 2, 2020 I care Dec 2, 2020
  • October 2020
    • Oct 16, 2020 Thirsty Oct 16, 2020
  • September 2020
    • Sep 25, 2020 Feedback loops Sep 25, 2020
    • Sep 3, 2020 Worth it Sep 3, 2020
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    • Aug 27, 2020 Love on a tree Aug 27, 2020
    • Aug 23, 2020 Human demon Aug 23, 2020
    • Aug 13, 2020 A little bit on the side Aug 13, 2020
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  • June 2020
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    • Jun 21, 2020 Infinitely Jun 21, 2020
    • Jun 14, 2020 Eat. Jun 14, 2020
    • Jun 7, 2020 Skins under the sun Jun 7, 2020
  • May 2020
    • May 31, 2020 Imminent threat of void - PTSD May 31, 2020
    • May 24, 2020 Rope language May 24, 2020
    • May 17, 2020 Polyamory May 17, 2020
    • May 10, 2020 Last night rewind May 10, 2020
    • May 3, 2020 A tool May 3, 2020
  • April 2020
    • Apr 26, 2020 My art quarantine story Apr 26, 2020
    • Apr 19, 2020 The four of us are dying Apr 19, 2020
    • Apr 12, 2020 I evolve until I am me again Apr 12, 2020
    • Apr 5, 2020 My self-portraits Apr 5, 2020
  • March 2020
    • Mar 15, 2020 I feel gravity Mar 15, 2020
    • Mar 8, 2020 Belonging Mar 8, 2020
    • Mar 1, 2020 Sex talk Mar 1, 2020
  • February 2020
    • Feb 23, 2020 In your car Feb 23, 2020
    • Feb 16, 2020 The waves that come Feb 16, 2020
    • Feb 3, 2020 My sexual orientation Feb 3, 2020
  • January 2020
    • Jan 27, 2020 Sex with you Jan 27, 2020
    • Jan 20, 2020 "Sorry! I thought..." - A model is not an object Jan 20, 2020
    • Jan 13, 2020 The weight of freedom Jan 13, 2020
    • Jan 6, 2020 I like you Jan 6, 2020
  • December 2019
    • Dec 30, 2019 Home Dec 30, 2019
    • Dec 23, 2019 Skin on fire Dec 23, 2019
    • Dec 16, 2019 Can you see me? - my film Dec 16, 2019
    • Dec 9, 2019 Levels of pleasure Dec 9, 2019
    • Dec 2, 2019 Victoria+Jean Dec 2, 2019
  • November 2019
    • Nov 25, 2019 The flatmate Nov 25, 2019
    • Nov 18, 2019 Where do I go? Nov 18, 2019
    • Nov 11, 2019 Is this love? Nov 11, 2019
    • Nov 4, 2019 Berlin P*rn Film Festival 2019 Nov 4, 2019
  • October 2019
    • Oct 28, 2019 The beautiful and the ugly Oct 28, 2019
    • Oct 21, 2019 Being an artist Oct 21, 2019
    • Oct 14, 2019 I am going strange Oct 14, 2019
    • Oct 7, 2019 You've got this - HPV story Oct 7, 2019
  • September 2019
    • Sep 30, 2019 You are pain Sep 30, 2019
    • Sep 23, 2019 She was hot. Sep 23, 2019
    • Sep 16, 2019 Freedom in the adult industry Sep 16, 2019
    • Sep 9, 2019 Non-monogamy Sep 9, 2019
    • Sep 2, 2019 Ecstasy Sep 2, 2019
  • August 2019
    • Aug 26, 2019 Feel the cracks Aug 26, 2019
    • Aug 19, 2019 The body you paid for Aug 19, 2019
    • Aug 12, 2019 You are water Aug 12, 2019
    • Aug 5, 2019 All I want Aug 5, 2019
  • July 2019
    • Jul 22, 2019 To the lake and back Jul 22, 2019
    • Jul 15, 2019 A day in my brain Jul 15, 2019
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    • Jul 1, 2019 A sunny day Jul 1, 2019
  • June 2019
    • Jun 24, 2019 That was fun Jun 24, 2019
    • Jun 17, 2019 Writing and directing an adult film! Jun 17, 2019
    • Jun 10, 2019 Boundaries Jun 10, 2019
    • Jun 3, 2019 The smell of your leaves Jun 3, 2019
  • May 2019
    • May 27, 2019 All cried out May 27, 2019
    • May 20, 2019 Cheap coffee and a smile May 20, 2019

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