"Sorry! I thought..." - A model is not an object

I’ve recently got back into modelling, probably giving it a more erotic twist than in the past and that’s only because I was able to learn from my mistakes and I can now stay safer but expose myself more. I probably shouldn’t call them mistakes, I was 19 when I started posing and the amount of creepy dudes with cameras was and still is embarrassing.

I know I told you some horror stories before, so I won’t repeat myself and will mention only few experiences I think were not ok but they didn’t leave a deep scar but more an annoyance I have with ALL genders that showed the asshole side of their personality. Some of the individuals I worked with were just stupid and entitled, some of them actively and consciously psychologically abusive, and worse case they were a combination of all these elements.

I want to point out these behaviours as NOT OK, and then you can judge what level of not ok it is for you based on your mental set, work ethics and morality. I will make sure to make comparisons between a model job and a sale assistant job to give you some perspective and help you see things clearly. Let me polish this for you: nudity is not a synonym for sexual consent that goes beyond the pre-shoot negotiation, nor it gives you the right to strip the person off their basic human rights; you don’t have any physical or intellectual ownership over these models.

I am starting this little series and I will call it “A model is not an object”.

Let me start with Mx Sorry I Thought.

He booked me for a two hour shoot in West London during late fall or beginning of winter. We agreed on shooting some lingerie portraits and full nudes. His main idea was to shoot on the terrace, partly exposed to the main street from which the upper deck bus audience would have enjoyed my bare ass, and, no need to say, it was incredibly cold. I was not aware of the situation I was going to find. I know that fine art models are supposed to suffer, it’s written in the devil’s contract they make you sign in exchange of your dignity (the deal of your life), but there are human limits and safety issues that have to be addressed and respected!

I could only resist that much; when I was able to endure the cold, I felt incredibly uncomfortable being half naked with the risk of being seen by strangers, of which some probably kids. I communicated my concerns to the photographer and he agreed to carry on indoors. He took a couple more shots and then said he didn’t have any more ideas because he mainly wanted to shoot outdoors. I know now that when a person says things like that, is to guilt trip you into something, otherwise they respect your human boundaries, they take care of you and find another way to make it work, or don’t mood board without making sure the human being they are going to photograph is capable of enduring cold, heat or any other physically challenging situations.

We shot some more full nudes to complete the session and as I was about to get off the window seal (classic), he gave me his hand which I thought was there to help me but he pulled me towards him instead and looked right into my eyes for a long embarrassing moment. I stood there, puzzled. He then seemed to come back to himself and said “Sorry! I thought...” and I intervened with “don’t think, I am here to do my job (which is not sex service)”.

So, that was odd. I got dressed, took the money (which I now ask beforehand, learned from my SWer friends and decided to apply to all the body work situations), walked to the bus stop, got on and asked myself “what the fuck is wrong with people”. Did he premeditated that or was it the inspiration of the moment? Did I do something to make him think I was a sex service worker under cover?
I know you are imagining an old creepy sleazy dude, but you’re wrong. This was a very handsome attractive young man according to the societal standards. And yet...

It is not ok to assume someone is up to something only because you want it. If you want to pay for sex, use appropriate channels and stop harassing people from other fields. Nude modelling doesn’t equal sex service. A nude model can ALSO be a sex worker but they don’t necessarily want to combine the things in one go, and their availability is not to be taken for granted. Generally, it is inappropriate to ask a model that’s posing for you if she’s up for a fuck, just as it would be to stop a sex worker as they’re, dunno, grocery shopping. You know why? Because it’s out of context, and violating on so many levels. Just don’t. Even more inappropriate is to assume something based on your fantasy and misinterpretation, and then make a physical step without any pre-negotiation.

I know a love story out of a photo shoot is possible but the dynamics wouldn’t be like the ones I described above, I know it because I’ve been >>>there<<<. I’ve seen beauty. I’ve seen horror too.

Imagine yourself standing naked in front of a person twice your size and just generally stronger, you had a difficult shoot because they were not happy with you not being able to endure the cold naked, and they suddenly pull you towards them assuming you want to kiss them and fuck them. You don’t like them, you don’t feel attracted, you are working and your trust has just been broken. How does that feel?

Imagine a shop assistant serving you in a sports shop, or a camera gear shop, or a supermarket. They help you navigate the isles, they check a couple of items for you, they even assist you because you need advice once out of the changing room, they swap sizes for you or they exchange that expired product. Doing their job, right? Because they are genuinely nice, they crack a couple of jokes and make you laugh and overall you are having a good experience, you are having so much fun you decide to take their hand, pull them towards you as if to kiss them and when they just stare at you terrified you find yourself surprised and embarrassed. Is this normal? Are you normal? I don’t think so. When you do this to your models, it’s not normal either, it’s inappropriate and violating. Pull your shit together.

Yours,
Nina