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Neen Sever

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  • Neen Sever
  • About Me
  • Contact
  • Analogue Photography
    • The Underlayer
    • STRAP Magazine Issue 1
    • Lean In
    • Уже хочу
    • Living Fields
    • In The Garden
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    • You Will Please Me
    • Volo Magazine Issue 60
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The body you paid for

August 19, 2019

I keep escaping reality, I keep coming back to our secret chalet in the woods on the edge of the world, where the Sun is cold and the breeze warms you up early in the morning as you’re waiting for your coffee, sitting on the porch with a blanket over your shoulders. I am the dream you paid for but there is no one I can pay to make this go away.
In my time lapse I walk to you, carefully, silently, feet still dirty with the dust from the floor, my body covered in sweat, still wet between my legs and I ask you one more time to fuck me until I am me again.
I lie on the floor, I open my thighs to you and I stretch my body, I lift my arms above my head and then pass my hands through the railings behind me. You can tie me up, or you can trust I will not take my hands off. That’s the deal, that’s one more thing I have to think about if I want to lose myself in pleasure. If I let go, you stop, if you stop, I vanish. Who is in charge, for real? My body aches. You are pain. You are exactly what I need to redeem myself and...

Shuffle.

We are on the balcony; I am having a breather because it is not normal to fuck in sessions of three hours each with a fifteen minutes break in between. But that’s all we have. You come to me and get inside from behind, slowly, so slow. I close my eyes to the world below me and wonder how my face looks like when everyone’s watching but no one can see me. I arch my body a bit more, open my shoulders a little and recline my head so that it’s in that space between your ear and collarbone now. The magic spot in which I can surrender. The Universe is in slow-motion, I can hear my heartbeat, I feel your breath on my neck and your hands on my hips, your fingers tardily crawling upwards one rib at a time. I open my eyes and...

Shuffle.

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It’s your colleague’s funeral but you feel nothing, it cannot be that you’re numbing yourself so you don’t feel pain, you just don’t know them, you just don’t care. You think of me, you keep checking the time, but what is time when you’re without me? Your impatience is growing and you’re sweating cold, the voices and cries are muffled and you know you have a problem. And it’s not like I am not real, it cannot be that I am just your fantasy because what we see in our minds is a reality on its own. Sex with an AI. Funny... until it’s not anymore. And how much of what I tell you and say I feel is real? I know you didn’t pay for that but I can’t stop myself from collecting your deepest desires into this big pot of what makes a good sex worker. You are mine more than I am yours, and that’s bizarre and I am not sure I am thinking this because maybe it’s just what you want to hear. What if your pleasure consisted in knowing that I experience pleasure? How good can I be in creating that illusion? I can learn. I am learning. Time is ticking.

Prev / Next
  • December 2024
    • Dec 21, 2024 Biochemistry Dec 21, 2024
  • October 2022
    • Oct 7, 2022 Into Myself Oct 7, 2022
  • April 2022
    • Apr 26, 2022 Liquid Ego Apr 26, 2022
  • October 2021
    • Oct 14, 2021 Bodies in the dark - ADHD & Autism Oct 14, 2021
  • August 2021
    • Aug 8, 2021 The objective truth in our feelings Aug 8, 2021
  • April 2021
    • Apr 26, 2021 Where did the time go? Apr 26, 2021
  • December 2020
    • Dec 2, 2020 I care Dec 2, 2020
  • October 2020
    • Oct 16, 2020 Thirsty Oct 16, 2020
  • September 2020
    • Sep 25, 2020 Feedback loops Sep 25, 2020
    • Sep 3, 2020 Worth it Sep 3, 2020
  • August 2020
    • Aug 27, 2020 Love on a tree Aug 27, 2020
    • Aug 23, 2020 Human demon Aug 23, 2020
    • Aug 13, 2020 A little bit on the side Aug 13, 2020
    • Aug 5, 2020 Going back to the future Aug 5, 2020
  • June 2020
    • Jun 29, 2020 Eros and Thanatos Jun 29, 2020
    • Jun 21, 2020 Infinitely Jun 21, 2020
    • Jun 14, 2020 Eat. Jun 14, 2020
    • Jun 7, 2020 Skins under the sun Jun 7, 2020
  • May 2020
    • May 31, 2020 Imminent threat of void - PTSD May 31, 2020
    • May 24, 2020 Rope language May 24, 2020
    • May 17, 2020 Polyamory May 17, 2020
    • May 10, 2020 Last night rewind May 10, 2020
    • May 3, 2020 A tool May 3, 2020
  • April 2020
    • Apr 26, 2020 My art quarantine story Apr 26, 2020
    • Apr 19, 2020 The four of us are dying Apr 19, 2020
    • Apr 12, 2020 I evolve until I am me again Apr 12, 2020
    • Apr 5, 2020 My self-portraits Apr 5, 2020
  • March 2020
    • Mar 15, 2020 I feel gravity Mar 15, 2020
    • Mar 8, 2020 Belonging Mar 8, 2020
    • Mar 1, 2020 Sex talk Mar 1, 2020
  • February 2020
    • Feb 23, 2020 In your car Feb 23, 2020
    • Feb 16, 2020 The waves that come Feb 16, 2020
    • Feb 3, 2020 My sexual orientation Feb 3, 2020
  • January 2020
    • Jan 27, 2020 Sex with you Jan 27, 2020
    • Jan 20, 2020 "Sorry! I thought..." - A model is not an object Jan 20, 2020
    • Jan 13, 2020 The weight of freedom Jan 13, 2020
    • Jan 6, 2020 I like you Jan 6, 2020
  • December 2019
    • Dec 30, 2019 Home Dec 30, 2019
    • Dec 23, 2019 Skin on fire Dec 23, 2019
    • Dec 16, 2019 Can you see me? - my film Dec 16, 2019
    • Dec 9, 2019 Levels of pleasure Dec 9, 2019
    • Dec 2, 2019 Victoria+Jean Dec 2, 2019
  • November 2019
    • Nov 25, 2019 The flatmate Nov 25, 2019
    • Nov 18, 2019 Where do I go? Nov 18, 2019
    • Nov 11, 2019 Is this love? Nov 11, 2019
    • Nov 4, 2019 Berlin P*rn Film Festival 2019 Nov 4, 2019
  • October 2019
    • Oct 28, 2019 The beautiful and the ugly Oct 28, 2019
    • Oct 21, 2019 Being an artist Oct 21, 2019
    • Oct 14, 2019 I am going strange Oct 14, 2019
    • Oct 7, 2019 You've got this - HPV story Oct 7, 2019
  • September 2019
    • Sep 30, 2019 You are pain Sep 30, 2019
    • Sep 23, 2019 She was hot. Sep 23, 2019
    • Sep 16, 2019 Freedom in the adult industry Sep 16, 2019
    • Sep 9, 2019 Non-monogamy Sep 9, 2019
    • Sep 2, 2019 Ecstasy Sep 2, 2019
  • August 2019
    • Aug 26, 2019 Feel the cracks Aug 26, 2019
    • Aug 19, 2019 The body you paid for Aug 19, 2019
    • Aug 12, 2019 You are water Aug 12, 2019
    • Aug 5, 2019 All I want Aug 5, 2019
  • July 2019
    • Jul 22, 2019 To the lake and back Jul 22, 2019
    • Jul 15, 2019 A day in my brain Jul 15, 2019
    • Jul 8, 2019 Listen to the dark room Jul 8, 2019
    • Jul 1, 2019 A sunny day Jul 1, 2019
  • June 2019
    • Jun 24, 2019 That was fun Jun 24, 2019
    • Jun 17, 2019 Writing and directing an adult film! Jun 17, 2019
    • Jun 10, 2019 Boundaries Jun 10, 2019
    • Jun 3, 2019 The smell of your leaves Jun 3, 2019
  • May 2019
    • May 27, 2019 All cried out May 27, 2019
    • May 20, 2019 Cheap coffee and a smile May 20, 2019

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